Monday, October 27, 2014

A little Boy

It's time to come clean. There is another reason I've been so behind at life as of late. It's this little boy. 

Yes, the one in my belly. He has been making me so incredibly tired. So with this pregnancy, the move and all the decisions that have come with it, I've been a bundle of emotions and stress. It's been a long and bumpy road, but I feel extremely blessed to be carrying this baby boy. 

It's no secret that Scott and I were on different pages when it came to having another child. I wanted one more than anything, Scott was convinced we were done. But I always missed this child and knew he was missing. It caused a lot of heartache and pain. We finally came to a mutual agreement that we would let it go for a time and revisit the matter later.  

After months of taking substantial precautions that we wouldn't get pregnant... Let's just say when Heavenly Father wants something to happen, it happens. And much to my surprise, I found out I was pregnant. I was ecstatic but terrified to share the news with Scott. 

I kept the news between my best friend and I. She finally convinced me to tell my husband, so I thought long and hard how to break the news to him. One afternoon as I was getting ready to print my lesson for Gospel Doctorine off, I noticed a video on the home page. It was titled, "Having Children in Faith." It talked about letting the number of children be decided between you, your spouse and The Lord. I was flabbergasted. This was my perfect segway to tell Scott about the new addition. He came home and I played the video for him. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but his reaction was less than desirable. He commented that he agreed, but we still weren't ready. My heart sunk I and ran for the shower to cry it out before he would notice. He caught on quick and stopped me asking what was wrong. I lost it and sunk to the floor, blurting out, "I'm pregnant! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." And being true to the great man he is, he sat on the floor with me and wrapped his arms around me. He told me it was okay and comforted me like only a husband can. It took some time to calm me down, but after he did, we had a good talk and in the end we were both excited to receive this child into our family. 

We know this baby is meant for our family. Beckett has been very intuitive during this whole pregancy. Before we even knew about the baby Beckett made mention about him. As we were sitting down to eat he noticed we had one extra spot. He said, "We have an extra chair. That one must be for our new baby." He has also talked about his new baby brother periodically over the past few weeks, without ever knowing I was pregnant. Today when we went to the ultrasound, the technician asked what the kids thought it was, without skipping a beat and with full assurance declared it was a baby boy. He was right. 

Tayden was a little disappointed it was a boy. He really wanted to have a little sister. But after telling him wrestling matches would be four boys against one dad, he warmed up to the idea. Then after thinking about the lack of princess toys we would have around the house and how he'd get to have 3 brothers to show how to play ball and teach how to do boy things, he was okay. He even has a name for him, Zane. I told him we'd think about it. 

Cache is as excited as he can be. He knows there's a baby like our friends baby, Baby Sam and is excited. But that's about as much as he can wrap his head around. 

We are thrilled to have this baby boy. I know everyone is wondering how I'm doing welcoming another boy instead of a girl. And honestly, I'm thrilled. As soon as I saw that little boy on that screen I felt a strong connection to him. And the prospect of four boys made my heart sing. Yes, there are things I won't get to do. But there are many more I can do. And that is what I choose to focus on. I get to be the mother of four boys. I get to be the loudest mom in the stands. I get to help with boy scouts and watch pinewood derbys. I'll watch them play in the mud, ride four wheelers, climb trees, go hunting and shoot guns. I'll teach them how to treat girls.  I'll have the opportunity to watch them grow into hard working men like their father. I'll watch 8 years of consecutive missions. I watch them marry and have their own kids. I'll be their mom. I'm just so excited and blessed. 

Now, if April 15th would hurry up and get here so I can hold my little boy. 


Melissa said...

If there is any mama who can take on the enormous responsibility of raising four valiant, stalwart, faithful boys it is you. I'm so excited for you. And girls are wonderful and I love mine, but one day you will be blessed with four amazing daughters in law and they will love you and cherish you and you'll know they belong to you, too. Especially Hannah, of course ;-) I'll be honest, my heart sunk seeing this picture knowing you'll be so far away. This last week is now here and I'm dreading saying goodbye to my favorite boys and my BFF. And Scott I guess. I am so proud to know you, and for all these crazy wonderful things happening to you.

The Collier 4 said...

You are seriously amazing!! How in the world did you keep a secret from your husband like that?!?! Todd knows way before info that I'm pregnant. I could never keep it a secret from him. I love how positive you are about everything in your life!! I love reading your blog!! Congrats on baby boy and I think Zane is a cute name;)

Erin_C said...

I'm so happy for you! What a sweet thing, even if hard at the time. This boy was coming ready or not :) And how fun to have 4 boys! Your comment about 8 consecutive years of missions just about made me tear up (though I'm rooting for my girls to go, too :) I hope everything goes well with the move. What a crazy but blessed time in your life!

Sheena said...

I totally agree with Melissa! You are such an amazing mama and meant to raise these boys! We will miss your family dearly.